Don't Judge a Book by its Cover
by emillywinter
Summary: It all started one dark night with one too many drinks. The male part of the new squad Levi was sitting gathered around the table celebrating a successful mission with, you guessed it, not one casualty. As the miraculous oddness of this fact demanded, drinks were a necessity and with too high testosterone levels in the room, the talking turned into a "dick size" topic.


**Don't Judge a Book by its Cover**

* * *

It all started one dark night with one too many drinks. The male part of the new squad Levi was sitting gathered around the table celebrating a successful mission with, you guessed it, not one casualty. As the miraculous oddness of this fact demanded, drinks were a necessity and with too high testosterone levels in the room, the talking among soldiers quickly turned into something less than appropriate.

"I honestly tell you" Jean, as the horse face he was, started "my dick is surly the biggest in the room. It really is more then average with its 17cm".

"You are just bullshiting us." Connie was quick too answer. There is no way that you have that huge dick."

"The only huge dick in here is not your cock, but you, horse face." Eren was more then willing to start one of their almost famous quarrels.

"Really? You really want to go there, asshole? I dare you to take of your pants and to show us how big your 'tool' is!" Jean was even quicker to build the flames of this spat.

"It is hardly a place for that, shit face! But I can tell you..." Eren continued now more collected "it is bigger than yours and it's only 15cm. We all know that you are lying. A horse like you simply has no honor!"

After that, things escalated pretty fast and Jean, Eren, Connie, and Armin decided to, with a hand across the heart, state their measurements and then, take off their pants in order to see who is lying and who is not.

The smallest was Connie with only 7cm. He said that there is no shame in that. It's all about technique – he stated. Then, Armin admitted that his 11cm was never used but, he was sure that it was just a little bit lower than average and that he was fine with it. Jean and Eren stood their ground and still claimed that their respected measurements were honest to God truth.

Then, the deed began. Connie lowered his pants proudly showing that he was not lying. Indeed, his cock was small and with balls bigger then it, he looked almost like a Greek statue; or more accurately, like a pickle with two oversized apples grown beneath it.

Armin wasn't any better; even though he was a bit longer, he was even less thick then Connie; but at least he was true to his word.

Eren was next. He stood up and unzipped his pants proudly showing a medium, average cook. Not to thick, not to long, it looked beautiful and circumcised; with a bush in front it, creating a perfect contrast to his skin. He also was not lying.

Jean felt that his mouth was getting dry. He wasn't even sure why he was lying, but he started it and he needed to man up and admit that he was slightly exaggerating. Just as he was ready to unzip his own pants he was saved by the baritone voice.

"What the fuck are you shit-heads doing over here?"

All the eyes in the room were now looking at Capitan Levi who decided to join them. His hair was still wet from a shower he took earlier. However, it didn't change anything in the image he was presenting. Eyebrows frowned, dark bags around stormy eyes, still short, but demanding respect as if he was the tallest person in the room; Levi looked just like Levi; all serious as if he hadn't found himself in the room with three naked men and one ready to join them.

Jean took a deep breath. He was the one who was saved, so he owned an explanation.

"We were just talking, ser. About our dicks; I mean sizes of our genitalia, ser."

No one said any word for at least next five minutes; silence was all around them, seeking a voice to be heard. All boys were now looking at the floor, blushing, being caught red handed at their now stupid dare; at least until the Capitan decided to speak again.

"Ok... I see Jaeger looks pretty down there; not entirely bad." And Eren blushed more than he thought possible. He now resembled the color of Mikasa's scarf.

"Kirschtein, you are next. Take off your pants."

And, Jean was now cursing his moment of weakness where he thought that Capitan was his salvation; he was his death - more like it. But, if he was going to be dead either way, he was ready to take Eren with him. He knew about Eren's attraction for Levi, he wasn't a blind fool. Ok, he was a fool, but, he wasn't blind; and, all it took was a half of one good eye for anyone to notice that Eren was feeling something more than a hero-worship for his Capitan; more like a Levi-worship; Jean thought. And, he smiled with a crooked smile ready to set things into motion.

"Ok, Capitan. But since you are looking, you need to participate, as well."

Jean wasn't entirely sure where he got courage to invite the Capitan into this stupid game; but, he was one to many drinks drunk and about 60% ready to be killed; and, he just increased those odds to 99%. _What was wrong with him?!_

"Oh, I see where you are going with this." Levi raised an eyebrow but he still managed to look bored as usual. "After you."

"Ok, I was maybe exaggerating a little bit earlier. It really isn't 17cm, more like 12cm, one time though, I swear, it grew bigger when I was about to fuck this sweet pussy; big tits and all..."

"For fucks sake, don't take your pants. I don't wanna see a dick smaller then Connie's."

It was now time for both Jean and Connie to look like a tomato. But, Capitan was feeling a bit generous tonight; after all, it was the night of their successful mission with no casualties; so, Levi continued.

"23cm, thick as a shit, long as a sword." _Watch and_ _drool_ was left unsaid.

He unbuttoned pants and took out a monstrosity that he called dick. And, it really looked as described: long; very, very long, and thick; very, very thick with a head shining purple. It was uncircumcised; its foreskin was light colored and a vein was clearly visible. Much the same as everything else on that cursed cock, that vein was also big and thick. Two huge balls and beautifly shaven pubic hair were painting a picture of a perfect dick. And intimidated, Connie, Armin and Jean, one by one left the room, looking in shame down at their boots.

Eren was another story. He couldn't take his eyes away from a piece of flash that was in between Levi's tights. He wanted it and he wanted it badly.

"Fuck me."

The words left his mouth without his consent. And, he was still blushing, but eyes refused to move from it, and mouth refused to apologize. So, he did the only logical thing that he could do in this situation.

"Please, fuck me." he repeated.

Levi would say that his heart was beating regularly, normal as always. He would say that he was breathing regularly, as well; normal as always. However, that didn't mean that it was the truth. He would be lying his teeth out if he would say that. He would be lying almost as much as Jean lied about his dick size.

"Eren, if you are fucking _fucking_ with me, I will fucking kill you."

His voice was rough with want that bordered on the line with desperation. After all, how many nights have passed with him touching his length thinking about this brat. And, if he would be completely honest he would say that it wasn't a lust; not really. It was old-fashioned, plain, and simple love. He fucking loved this brat and he was hungry as a dog for him.

"I want it more than anything in the world." Eren responded with a tone that was suggesting 'either you will fuck me or I am going to take you down and stub myself over and over on your cock'.

And, it was more than enough for Levi. He simply smiled, first time in forever and thanked whichever God was creating their destiny. He could work with it. He was born as a poor man; so he knew how to never let go once he got his hands on something that was worth to him. And, Eren... Eren was worth more than anything else in his life.

"Take of your pants and bend over the table."

His words were commanding; but he was praying with all his gut that Eren wouldn't change his mind. He breathed deeply and took a step closer. He will take everything and he will give everything. It was his choice; the only one that he was sure to never regret.


End file.
